Got served 1 more charge today for stalking (online) with a maximum of 2 years imprisonment. So if anyone’s keeping count, my current (2nd) case now has 3 charges of stalking, each charge of max 2 years, bringing it to max 6 years. And adding in the 2 months of remission period to pay back due to re-offending during the early release, that brings it to max of 6 years 2 months I’m facing now. As usual, I was asked to write a statement for this charge today and I had to write it on the spot so pardon the sentence fragments. Reproduced my handwritten statement (to the police) verbatim as per below:
The victim in this offence that I am charged for is my ex-boyfriend, Jeremy, with whom I was in a relationship with for four years. I had made the online post with no malice; I did not have any intentions other than to get Jeremy’s attention because I have no other channels of communication to reach him. I did not make any post that disparages his character or integrity and I did not make any false claims in what I had posted. It was mostly just a rant about my feelings towards the dissolution of a 4-year relationship, there was no abusive language used and there was no intentional attempt at sullying his reputation. It was a pensive lamentation on our breakup which had affected me greatly because when we were together for those 4 years, we would see each other everyday and even when we were separated by physical distances and vast oceans, we would at least be able to talk to each other via webcam or messages. It was akin to a symbiotic existence and when we broke up and there was no way for me to reach out to him, due to the fact that he had blocked me off everywhere imaginable, the only way to reach him was to get his attention through making an online post. This was also because of the fact that I could not even look for him in person (otherwise I would have used that alternative instead). Because if I did, he would call the police upon seeing me, to ask the authorities to arrest me for stalking him. I had honestly exhausted all other means to reach him peacefully and this was my last resort. I had even gone to the Singapore Mediation Centre to seek their assistance in resolving our issues and although they initially said they could invite Jeremy down for a session, they later declined upon knowing that mine was already a case that’s facing charges. I am not an unreasonable person, I’m not forcing Jeremy to be together with me again, I just hope that he will forgive me and allow me to be able to contact him again, even if not now, at least some time in the future. I’m not a recalcitrant offender who’s bent on breaking the law. I had worked for a year in the Singapore Police Force before, screening criminal records and was also in the Military Police during my National Service of 2 years. I do know what’s right and wrong and I haven’t lost my ability to differentiate that. I do admit that my actions were wrong; they were done on impulse and were rash actions based on my emotions rather than logic. I do feel remorseful for my actions. It is hard to express in words the intangible constituent makeup of our relationship but I hope that the pathos of any human heart that has gone through a devastating heartbreak is able to empathise with me. I am sorry and thank you for reading my plea.
I have created this blog to store my thoughts and to organise my writings for easy retrieval and reading. They contain mostly film reviews.
I don’t get why people belittle how tough Singapore’s prisons are. They say other countries’ prisons are worse. Let me tell you, no they’re not worse than Singapore’s. I talked to a lot of prisoners from so many different countries when I went in prison the previous 2 times. They have all unanimously agreed that Singapore prison is the worst, these are all people who have stayed in prisons in other countries, whether it is their home country or countries foreign to themselves. Be it whether you’re talking about prisons in China, Taiwan, Malaysia, US, Russia, etc. Yes Singapore’s prison is worse than all of these and any other country you can name. This is because in other countries, if you have money, you can easily get things you want into prison or inside prison itself, even if they’re illegal. Someone who had stayed in Macau’s prison told me that he managed to get a handphone into the prison there for him to use while he was inside. Plus, there’s no human rights in Singapore’s prisons. Trying to ask for a pen to use from the prison officers feels akin to asking for a million dollars, I don’t get why I’m not even guaranteed the right to pen down what I want to express. Isn’t the right to express oneself a basic human right? You would think so, but no, for my previous sentence, they even lost my mitigation letter on the day of sentence itself and asked me to re-write it again on the spot, with minutes left to the court hearing. This was a mitigation letter that I had written and submitted a month ago to the prison officers. How am I supposed to recall what I wrote a month ago that I haven’t seen since then and which I had sufficient deliberation time to coherently write down everything I wanted to at the time of writing? Now you tell me I only have a few minutes to try and not panic and write down everything which I had previously had hours to think about. Who on earth is able to think and write coherently under such time limit and stress? There’s not even a proper pen or table in the holding cells under the State Court. And even then, they refuse to give me a pen immediately, saying that I still have to send in a request for a pen when they’re clearly the ones who have made a blunder in their jobs by losing my mitigation letter that I had submitted to them because I was adhering to their instructions. And even when they finally give me a pen, it’s the usual very-thin-pen-refill-thingy that’s not even a real pen, it’s more like a pen-refill that’s hard to hold and write with. Anyone who thinks that Singapore prison is no big deal, that it’s nothing tough, that other countries have it worse, I implore that these people be sent for a bout of stay inside our prisons. This can even make for an interesting reality show: Survivor: Singapore Prison. Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.
I am of course fully aware that a lot of people think that I deserve to go to jail and won’t pity me even the slightest bit. Seems empathy is a dying trait in this world. Do you really need to wish harm on someone just because they’ve done harm onto others? Think about it. Does killing someone who committed manslaughter or even murder really gonna do anything? It’s still an overall deficit in the system. It’s not gonna balance out anything, you just end up with two dead people instead of one. Just because they’ve done harm, it doesn’t mean that we should expect the legal system to do harm to them too. If so, then we are no different than the orignal perpetrator; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, that just makes us sadists watching the perpetrator be punished and deriving satisfaction by convincing oneself that justice is meted out and that they deserve the punishment they get. Why is the focus always on the punishment? Why isn’t the focus instead centered on helping the prosecuted person out? Such as understanding what led them to commit the act they’re prosecuted for. Punishing a person in the form of incarceration and depriving them of any privileges seem barbaric and archaic compared to rehabilitating them.
Sometimes I feel like if it was someone else who went through everything that I’ve gone through, they might have already just killed themselves long ago. By everything, I mean not just the breakup with Jeremy but also the multiple incarcerations in jail, the bacteria infection/eczema flare-up I had in jail which caused a swollen and J-shaped bent-backwards penis and constant wet and sticky scrotum (which fortunately was cured before I left jail but not the rashes all over my body which it still left behind). Oh and also the discrimination faced, both inside and outside jail; the outside one would be referring to job discrimination and the inside one would be the solitary confinement alone.
I’m but a pathetic being
Incarcerated within a love that’s long gone.
Much like a sandstorm blowing across the desert;
In the same vein as you dancing across my heart;
The wind may have left the desert
But the sand dunes left behind are evidences of the epic scale
In which the wind and desert had once courted each other
And that their fervent love had once existed and isn’t just a mirage or myth.
With my back against you,
cradle me in your arms,
hold me close and let me
feel the rhythm of your heart.
With those big hands of yours,
hold mine firmly in them,
and let me feel your clasp
on this tiny heart of mine.
Lean in close on my face,
kiss me hard from behind,
on my cheeks, and mouth too,
with those luscious lips of yours.
Turn me gently around,
and let me gaze deeply,
into those divine eyes
that will melt me everytime.
The scent of your body,
and its taste as I run
my lips down your contour,
is simply sheer Ambrosia.
Lie down here next to me
and let me hug you tight.
Close your eyes and cuddle,
feeling our body warmth.
All I’ve got to keep me company are my tears,
the songs on the radio they prick my ears,
I say turn them off I’ll go to my corner,
the familiar place I know as a loner.
My life has become not my life anymore.
It has become unrecognisable and lost all semblance of what it once was.
Gone is the anchor, the invariable constant in my life which had kept me grounded through all storms of life.
Sorrow, fear and pain seek to fill the huge void left behind.
Inevitably, everything became unhinged.
There’s no happiness to be found here.